Welcome to That Weewoo Show: a podcast where Ellen, Bex, and Alice watch and discuss every episode of ABC’s TV show, 9-1-1.
In this episode we discuss episode 12 of the third season of 9-1-1, titled “Fools”.
The 118 responds to a viral stunt gone haywire and an epic first date fail; Athena investigates a woman who doesn’t remember being shot in the head.
Content warnings for episode 3.12:
domestic violence, gore involving bulging eyeballs, gun violence, recurring character is robbed and beaten during a date.
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Episode Transcript
Maddie: [00:00:00] 9-1-1, what’s your emergency?
Bex: Welcome back to That Wee Woo Show, a podcast where we watch and discuss episodes of the ABC show, 9-1-1. I’m Bex,
Alice: I’m Alice.
Ellen: And I’m Ellen.
Bex: And I got it in one. Yay.
Ellen: Yay.
Alice: Yeah, you did.
Bex: Thank you to everyone who has listened to our previous episodes and who has done all of the button smashing on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and all of our social media, uh, platforms to help us get the word out about our little podcast. We do appreciate it.
We had a, uh, a bit of an unexpected and, uh, unannounced break last week, due to two of your three lovely hosts getting a little caught up [00:01:00] in deadlines for other fandom activities.
Ellen: Oh, yeah.
Bex: We, we apologize for that. We are, we’re all fine now. We managed to meet our deadlines. I’m very proud of Ellen for meeting her deadline. Um,
Ellen: oh, I’m proud of you too.
Bex: Uh, but now we are back. This week’s special shout out goes to Keira over on BlueSky who educated us a little bit about how accurate or whether the pulse ox thingy that goes on your finger can actually diagnose, uh, methamoglob…, I don’t even know how to pronounce that, but the, the blue lady, whether Hen and Chim would have such a definitive diagnosis about what was going on with the blue lady, just from the little finger pulse ox thingy.
Short answer, no.
Ellen: Yeah.
Bex: Yeah. So thank you Keira for, um,
Ellen: thank you Keira!
Bex: For educating us non-medical [00:02:00] people as to how badly or how much the show stretches medical truths sometimes.
Ellen: I mean, the fact that she was blue probably gave them a pretty good idea.
Bex: Yes.
Ellen: But, but medically they couldn’t really diagnose her just from the pulse ox,
Bex: I don’t think you’d be getting the, yeah. That’s fine. We’ve, we’ve long since abandoned the idea that anybody on this show has any actual medical knowledge, despite the fact that they do have,
Ellen: well, they may have the medical knowledge. They just don’t care to use it.
Bex: Just, I mean, we know that they have a med consult on set.
It’s just they don’t appear to be talking to the writers or the writers aren’t paying much attention. Right. So before we find out how badly the writers stuff up medically this episode, let’s remind ourselves what happened in last week’s episode
Alice: Last week on 9-1-1, Michael made the decision to stop treatment on his brain cancer and Chimney’s estranged half brother Albert turned up at [00:03:00] Chimney’s Door.
Ellen: Albert! Um, Albert is not in this episode at all, is he?
Alice: No. Nothing from last week is
Ellen: Albert is mentioned.
Bex: Albert is name dropped, but he does not actually appear.
Ellen: That’s right.
Bex: His luggage appears.
Ellen: That’s right.
So this episode, is season three, episode 12, which is titled “Fools”, which first aired on the 23rd of March in 2020.
So just as the, the pandemic stuff was really getting into gear, but we don’t see that on screen yet. Um, I, I hear there’s more coming of that later. Um, but the official summary for this episode goes, the 118 responds to a viral stunt gone haywire, a disaster at a couple’s fishing trip. Which is, which is which was last week, right?
Bex: Yes. That…
Ellen: So it wasn’t in this episode. It was it was in last episode. Okay.
Bex: It was in last week. Yes.
Ellen: Um, an epic first date fail. Meanwhile, Athena investigates a woman who doesn’t remember being shot in the head, and Eddie is forced [00:04:00] to have a difficult conversation with Christopher.
And the triggers for this episode include domestic violence, gore involving bulging eyeballs. Oh my God, I could not look at that. That was disgusting. But anyway, we’ll get to that. Gun violence, uh, a recurring character is robbed and beaten by someone they went on a date with.
Bex: Eyeballs first.
Ellen: Eyeballs first.
So as soon as these guys show up on the screen, this is Shay and Mitch and their buddy Jesse. We have seen these guys before. They were the ones who put this guy’s head in, in concrete, and then he fell in the pool. Is that that, is that what happened?
Alice: Yeah. They like concreted a was it a microwave or something to his head?
Ellen: A microwave! That’s right.
Bex: They stuck his head in a microwave and then filled the microwave with cement.
Alice: Yeah, like as you do.
Bex: And then Jesse freaked out as you do, because while they were being kind and thought that they would [00:05:00] cover his head with a plastic bag ’cause they’d s seen that episode of Grey’s Anatomy and they know that, you know, concrete on skin is not the best thing.
Um, they forgot to take into consideration that that would cut off his air supply.
Ellen: That’s right.
Bex: So Jesse freaked out and ended up going into the pool. So I don’t know why he is still hanging out with these guys.
Alice: Me neither.
Ellen: No, for the, for the likes. I guess for the,
Bex: uh, I, I don’t know. Um,
Ellen: Maybe just, maybe they put him through so many traumas that his brain is just, you know, he just goes, yeah, whatever. Or let’s do it.
Bex: Well, this week’s trauma involves Jesse voluntarily climbing into a merry-go-round that, um, Shay and Mitch have hooked up to a motorcycle so that when they turn the motorcycle engine on and the back wheel starts spinning. The merry-go-round starts spinning.
Alice: [00:06:00] Idiots.
Bex: And as Shay, they, I love that Shay calls it, “We are about to turn this merry-go-round into a scary go-round.”
Ellen: Like, I don’t know if I said this last time, I probably did, but this is big Ghostfacer energy again.
Bex: Yes.
Ellen: It’s just, they’re just talking right into the camera, going, “Okay, Jessie, are you ready? Let’s do this.” And Jessie’s just like, “Yeah, whatever. Let’s go.”
Bex: Yep. Yeah. The, this entire scene we’re cutting back and forth between the, um, the footage that Mitch and Shay are filming themselves on their phone and the, the external cameramen filming them, filming themselves.
So yeah, they, they set, they start the motorbike. They put a clamp on the accelerator so that it keeps going without them having to hold onto it. And of course, because it’s Shay’s Army, something goes wrong and the engine catches fire.
Ellen: Yeah. So they can’t get near it to turn it off. And Jesse, [00:07:00] okay, so he’s sitting in on, on one of the seats, which are around the edge of it, but he’s leaning into the middle and holding onto the little yes thing in the center, which like, I don’t know, he, he, does he have like a grip of steel or something?
Because if it was spinning so fast, like as fast as it was,
Bex: I’m wondering if centrifugal force is kind of holding him in place.
Ellen: Yeah. But it, that, that would drive him towards the outside of the circle, not…
Alice: it would, yeah. Not inside.
Ellen: Hold him in the middle. Yeah. And he’s not sitting, if he was sitting directly in the middle, then he would not be affected by much force.
But he, his body is, and, and that’s the other thing, like when they, I don’t know the, the 118 must have turned up so freaking fast because this is still going on when they arrive and the bike hasn’t like burned to a cinder yet. So they, they rush in and put out the fire and then grab Jesse. And when they pull him off there, his eyes are all [00:08:00] bloodshot and bulging.
So I was like, well, if he, if he was sitting in that position with his head down in the middle of the merry-go-round, wouldn’t the blood all rush to his butt because he was the bit that was sticking out the furthest.
Bex: I’m so happy that I’m not the one getting caught up on the details this week.
Ellen: No, it just seemed like it really unlikely.
Bex: It does not, it does not make any sense. Maybe I recognize that it made no sense. My brain just went, yeah, you know what? We are just gonna go with it for the drama.
Ellen: I mean, I can totally understand that being totally distracted by the disgusting eyes that this guy now has is like bugging out of his head and they’re all, ugh, ugh.
So gross.
Bex: Yeah.
Ellen: But even when they pull him off and they see, they see them and all the, the 118, they’re all like, ugh!
Alice: When, um. When Hen is like checking his pupils with the light pen, she’s like, “His pupils are exte, extremely dilated.” And they’re actually the opposite. They’re like pin bricks. Yeah. So like obviously [00:09:00] the, like the special effects of the makeup team didn’t get the script.
Ellen: Whoops.
Bex: But I love that as Chim and Hen are working on Jesse, Buck is just standing over him, kind of tipping his head from one side to the other, just staring at this guy’s face. He’s, and eventually he says that he feels like he knows this guy.
Ellen: Yeah. And then, and then Eddie, like when he says that Eddie like tilts his head as well.
They’re both like standing there going, huh?
Alice: They both do it at the same time. It’s super,
Bex: it’s the same, at the same angle. Yeah. It’s adorable because we’ve discussed before that, um, the 118 have like the memory of elephants for all of their, um, cases.
Alice: Yeah. They have excellent facial recognition skills.
Bex: Yeah. But it’s not until, it’s not until they notice Shay and Mitch that they like fully remember what is going on. So they get Jesse, um, they get his eyeballs back in his head, which wakes him up immediately.
Ellen: [00:10:00] Um, I wonder if it would happen that fast. Like it’s really, it’s quite,
Bex: Everything happens this fast on this show though.
Alice: Yeah. Timey-wimey, remember?
Ellen: I mean, if he’s got something over his face, okay, I’m, I’m breaking the magic again here, but he’s got something over his eyes, right? And then they just poke his eyes a little bit and put some drops in and then cut away. And when they cut back, it’s just his face and his eyes are like,
Alice: Yeah, he’s fine now.
Ellen: A bit bloodshot, but he’s fine. I’m like, oh, okay. Stop, turn brain off. Come on, come on. It’s gonna be fine.
Bex: Uh, but yeah, also when, since they have fixed Jesse as much as they can in the field, um, Eddie still wants to know who did this to him because he’s not caught up to, to Buck in recognizing this guy, and Bobby’s the one who notices Shay and Mitch on the other side of the park, um, still filming. Yeah. And they continue, they continue filming, um, until Athena comes up behind them.[00:11:00]
Ellen: Athena turns up like magic, like Bobby summons her.
Alice: Oh, obviously. Oh yeah. But the best thing is that like, they’re like, “Oh, you can’t prove anything” and Athena’s like, “You live streamed on the internet.” Like,
Ellen: and she says the, the magic, um, words, fool. “You fools.”
Bex: Yeah. We, we need to get, we need to have shots or something because, or perhaps not, because the number of times people get called fools call themselves fools or the word fool is used.
Um, we would be plastered by the end of this episode. Yes. So it like one count at the moment. Thank you Athena.
Ellen: So, yeah, they cart ’em off,
Alice: um, but not before Bobby starts filming them. Um, and he is not just like, he’s not filming them for the internet. He’s just like video calling Chim.
Bex: Yeah. ’cause Mitch complains that Bobby is filming them [00:12:00] and says, “You, you can’t post that without our consent.”
And Bobby’s like, “No, this is just for an audience of one.” And then we cut to inside the ambulance where Chim is sitting with Jesse in the back holding his phone up so that Jesse can watch his friends being arrested and taken away. And he’s very sadly says, “Man, I really need new friends.”
Alice: No disagreements here.
Bex: Yeah, you really need new friends, Jesse.
Ellen: It was funny ’cause when Bobby first said that this is an for an audience of one, I was like, what are you gonna watch it and have a laugh later? Like, why
Alice: I thought the same thing. I’m like, Bobby, why are you gonna watch this later?
Ellen: Do you always record these things for your own benefit? But yeah,
Alice: maybe when sitting in bed at night watching weird cases,
Bex: kinky role play going on in that marriage. I don’t know.
Ellen: We’ve established that already. Yeah.
Um, okay, so after the title card, we [00:13:00] now go to an extremely tense, uh, card game going on at, um, I guess Chimney’s Place?
Bex: Yeah, it’s Chimney’s Place
Ellen: because we still don’t know where Maddie lives at the moment.
Alice: We still dunno where Maddie lives.
Bex: Nope. Um. Even though she invites Josh to come stay with her at the end of the episode.
Like where Maddie, where is Josh coming to stay with you?
Alice: Josh also stays at Chimney’s Place. Chimney’s like why, what we, we are full. Like what are you doing?
Ellen: Yeah. ’cause he’s still got Albert there as well. So it’s like,
Bex: yep.
Ellen: The couch is taken.
Bex: Josh and Albert on the couch, tops and tails.
Ellen: Yep.
Alice: They can spoon. It’ll be fine.
Ellen: So they cut, they cut from basic Jesse, who’s got like these awful looking bloodshot eyes to then Buck, like holding the cards in front of him and staring into my very soul as I was watching this, I was like,
Bex: tell the truth. How long did you pause and just hold it on that shot?
Ellen: I was on a time crunch to watch the episode, so I did not do that [00:14:00] yet, but I may go back sometime.
I’m sure there are plenty of gifs of it, on um, Tumblr and so on. But yeah, she, Maddie is also, you know, staring back. So they’re having like a I know some kind of a Mexican standoff because the music is playing and they’re like,
Bex: oh yeah, it’s got like spaghetti western music going on in the background.
Alice: Yeah, yeah. It’s it’s very um, like tongue in cheek tense.
Ellen: Yes. Yeah. Especially ’cause Buck’s smiling. He’s like,
Alice: yeah, so Maddie does this grin and Buck’s like, oh, I know that smile. And he adds more chips to the pile and then he puts down a pair of aces and Josh looks impressed. But Chim just like glances at Maddie who puts down her hand and it’s a flush and he is like, “Oh no.”
And Chim’s like, “You fall for it every time.”
Um, so yeah, we’ve established that Buck sucks at poker. Um, Maddie manages to fool him [00:15:00] every time.
Bex: We also further, um, further establish or, um, reinforce that Josh is sassy. Oh yeah. Because Buck says like, “Why does this, well how does this keep happening?” And Josh just says, “‘Cause you suck at poker.” Yeah. I’m like, sir, this is the first time that we know of that you are playing poker with these guys.
Just, you know, rein it in a little bit.
Ellen: Chill. You, you’re Maddie’s friend. Not like Buck hardly knows you at this point as far as we know. Like maybe they are good mates, but, but he does say that he also sucks at poker and maybe you should quit while you are behind. Yeah. And Buck’s like, wow.
Bex: You were doing well until with the spoken by someone who also sucks at poker and then you just kept digging yourself further in for the rest of it.
Yep. But apparently Josh and Buck got invited over for poker because, um, Chimney and Maddie needed [00:16:00] someone for date night and all of their couple friends were busy.
Alice: Yeah. So they figured they would target solos. And this is where Josh goes, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were setting us up.”
And Maddie goes, “Oh no, I like you way too much to set you up with my brother.” And Buck just goes, “uh, hey now.”
Ellen: Yeah. Like he doesn’t deny any,
Alice: there’s no denial. There’s no like, I’m not into…
Bex: This line is so, it’s so interesting because Maddie is not, I do not think that she’s like making a joke. I don’t think that she is like, oh, oh isn’t it so funny?
So, you know, being gay is so funny. So you know, I invited you and ’cause you like boys and my brother is a boy. So wouldn’t it be funny if the two of you got together? I think she’s legitimately saying that it would not be outside the realm of the possibility of Buck and Josh getting together. Yeah. And then you’ve also go Buck who is not denied [00:17:00] that there is a possibility that the two of them to get together.
He’s just more, yeah.
Alice: There’s no protesting.
Bex: He’s just more in,
Ellen: I mean, in hindsight we can say that, you know, this makes total sense because we know what’s gonna happen in the future.
Bex: Yes. But like, this is season three and that doesn’t happen until season seven, so this is really interesting. Yeah. Buck’s only, um, upset because he’s getting the idea because of their, like, I like you too much to set you up, my brother.
Like the, the implication that Buck is not worthy to be set up with Josh.
Ellen: Yes. Very interesting.
Bex: I will point out that this episode was written by Andrew Myers, so if anybody is keeping count on which writers are doing what in this show, that’s like, I think it’s the second or third, um, notch on Andrew Myers belt for, um, like what’s going on with Buck and or Eddie.
Alice: Interesting.
Ellen: Okay. [00:18:00] But yes, they do establish that they are incredibly, tragically, some might say embarrassingly single.
Bex: I think Chim takes it a little too far.
Ellen: Yes.
Bex: Because Chim says that the closest that Buck has ever got has gotten to turning on a woman in the past few months, is shouting, “Hey Siri.”
Ellen: Yeah. That’s mean.
Bex: That’s it is, it is very mean.
Alice: Um, but Buck goes “Well, she’s very good to me. She sings me songs, she delivers me food. She tells me where to be, when, how to get there. And that is pretty much love. The rest I…” and Maddie just is “Ew, no.” And Chim’s like, “No, no, no, no. I don’t wanna know. I don’t wanna know.”
Ellen: Yeah. Well they had that coming
Bex: Buck is, like taking the joke and running with it and not being like insulted ’cause Yeah, he, it could have gone either way.
But Josh also, um, requests that Chimney and Maddie [00:19:00] ease up on the solos because it’s like dating in a LA right now is really hard. They have no idea how hard it is. They were very lucky they don’t have to deal with the, the crazies, the randos, the catfishes and the liars, which gets, um, juxtaposed with Buck, noticing Albert’s suitcase and going, oh yeah, there should be someone else here.
“Hey, where is Albert? Albert tonight?” And then we find out that Albert’s on a date
Alice: already.
Ellen: We don’t know how long he’s been there for, but he’s already hooking up with someone. Good on him.
Bex: Yeah. Just, just to rub it in that, you know, Josh and Buck are having so much trouble finding dates and Albert, Albert, you know, waltzes in and immediately established himself on the dating scene.
Ellen: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Bless. It’s a funny scene actually. I was sort of watching up to this bit and oh, in even the next couple of scenes going, why is everyone [00:20:00] so horny in this episode? It’s like a very horny episode. Everyone’s trying to find that other person. Ah, it’s very funny. But anyway, we are going to school now, speaking of,
Bex: speaking of horny, yeah, you wouldn’t think that parent teacher would be a horny situation, but, um, it is tonight.
Ellen: Eddie. Eddie, Eddie gets away with it. He’s, he and Carla are in at the school looking for their classroom and they talked to some of the teachers and um, you know, it sounds like it, like that Chris is having a great time at school and he is doing really well in his subjects and he is making friends and,
Alice: oh, can we go through all the, the corny teacher jokes first?
Bex: Oh, I love the jokes.
Alice: Of course you do. You are the one that sends us all dad jokes.
Ellen: Carla even says, “Try to ignore these teacher’s corny jokes.” And I just completely skipped over that and ignored the jokes. Sorry. Okay, go on [00:21:00] with the jokes.
Bex: No, I love the chemistry one though. That’s my favorite of all of them.
Ellen: Yes.
Bex: So the maths teacher asks Eddie, “what do you call a number that won’t sit still? A Roman numeral.”
Ellen: Ha!
Bex: the music teacher asks, “how do you make a bandstand? You take away their chairs.”
Ellen: Yeah. And then she goes, “I don’t think he got it.” And Eddie’s like, “oh no, I did.”
Bex: “No, no, I got it.” Um, the science teacher doesn’t make a joke and Eddie’s about to leave, and he stops and goes, “wait. No jokes?” And the teacher deadpan face says, “I try to tell chemistry jokes, but there’s no reaction.”
Ellen: Ha ha.
Bex: Get it? Chemistry? Reaction?
Alice: Um, I also, the part where, so Christopher’s showing great interest in science, but he does keep telling other students tsunamis aren’t a big deal, which is unhelpful,[00:22:00]
Bex: funnily enough that this is a really interesting parent teacher, um, set up because the teachers are in their classrooms. And Eddie, it’s like speed dating. Eddie and Carla are moving around the classrooms from teacher to teacher, which I didn’t think at Chris’s age they had multiple teachers in multiple classrooms.
Ellen: Yeah. We don’t here,
Bex: maybe middle school is different. Yeah. Like maybe middle school is like miniature high school. So they, they do rotate around their classes.
Alice: Maybe they forgot how old Chris is supposed to be
Ellen: At our primary school. We do have a different teacher who does science, actually, I’m not sure about science, but they like music and, um, yeah, you’ve, they have different teachers.
Bex: Like you’ve got a music teacher and you’ve got your PE teacher, but you don’t have a maths teacher and an English teacher. And a science [00:23:00] teacher. Like your teacher teaches all of those subjects.
Ellen: That’s right.
Bex: Anyway, I just thought that was really interesting. But we get the setup where they are in the English classroom waiting for Chris’s English teacher, but she’s late because the previous student’s father, who she was doing parent-teacher conference with, kept asking a surprising amount of questions.
Alice: Um, but where were they? Where were they when she was like, was it a different classroom? I, and she got to get to the, I don’t understand. I was like, what?
Bex: The, the setup in this, the setups in this episode are, are like, why, what, what? No. Um, but Carla looks the English teacher up and down, and she is young and she’s very, very pretty.
Oh, yeah. And Carla says, “Well, I, I bet he had lots of questions.” I think Eddie has lots of questions too, because he looks like he’s been hit over the head.
Alice: I love that Carla is [00:24:00] just like the horniest character on the show. Like even when Buck in Season one was like banging anything that’s like that moved, Carla was still the horniest character on the show and remains the horniest character on the show.
Bex: Yeah. But I just feel so, because she’s married and yet she’s surrounded by, like, she had Abby and Buck and now she’s got Eddie.
Alice: Mm-hmm.
Bex: Just surrounded by all of these people that are just like. So stupid when it comes to their relationships.
Alice: I really hope her husband can keep up.
Ellen: Well, she, she must go home and go, “Oh, wait till you hear what Edmundo did today.”
Bex: So Edmundo, um, this is the teacher is Ms. Flores. I’m just gonna call her Ana. We don’t get a first name in this episode, so I am breaking my rule, but I know that she’s Ana, so I am just gonna call her Ana. Um, she greets Carla [00:25:00] very proper, calls her Ms. Price, um, greets Eddie and says, “You must be Mr. Diaz.”
And Eddie almost trips over himself saying, “No, it’s Eddie. Please call me Eddie. It’s short for…” and she immediately jumps in and guesses Edmundo, and you can just see him immediately fall in love with her at that point. Because as he tells her that like most people guess Eduardo. She’s like, “well, no, I have like a grandfather who was Edmundo and you know, he was my favorite grandfather.”
Alice: And so that means that everyone named Eddie is always called Ed Edmundo. Clearly.
Bex: And Eddie’s just got hard eyes just pulsing out it sockets going like “He’s mine too. Wait, no, that’s, that’s not what I…”
Alice: um, so Ana, Ana completely ignores Eddie and just goes, “So let’s talk about Christopher. Um, he is doing really well. His verbal skills have improved. He’s a little shy about reading out loud [00:26:00] and she’s like, yeah, like I attribute that to him being read to from, from an early age.” And Eddie’s like, “No, no. We have his mother to thank for that.”
Bex: So I love Ana is like parent teacher flirting with him right now.
Alice: Oh yeah. Especially this part.
Bex: And Eddie is. God bless him. I think he would love to just start flirting back. But he’s going to honor Shannon’s name first and foremost.
Ellen: Yeah. He defends her. He’s like, well, not defends her, but you know, he gives her credit and Ana does say that, “Christopher tells me you’ve kept it up since she’s been gone. So, great job.” And Eddie’s like, “Oh, I try to do the voices, but,” and it’s like, oh, shut up. Come on.
Alice: Yeah. Eddie’s like, “She was better at it.” And Ana’s just like, “Oh, I’m sure you are no slouch.” And Carla goes, “Oh, no he isn’t.”
Bex: Carla knows exactly what’s going on.
Alice: Yeah. Carla’s got the Barbie dolls and pressing their face together [00:27:00] right now.
Bex: Like smooshing their faces together. Yeah.
Ellen: And she says that he, he likes to make the other kids laugh and Eddie asks if that’s a problem. She’s like, “not at all. He’s very sweet and kind.”
Alice: Yeah. He’s one of the most popular students.
So, go Christopher. Yeah.
Ellen: It’s not surprising. Everyone loves Christopher.
Bex: Eddie floats out of the school on like a cloud. Um, you know, he’s, he’s got a good kid and he’s, he’s had his son, um, praised to high heavens by a beautiful woman. Um, and Carla’s just like a, “You wanna talk about what just happened in there?”
And Eddie’s like, like “What? ’cause I’m that I’m doing such a good job as a father?” She’s like, “No, about the, the English teacher that you wanna bang.” And he’s like, “Was she pretty? I didn’t even notice.” And Carla’s like, “Oh, I’m sorry. I must have had you confused with someone who couldn’t stop gazing in Ms. Flores big blue eyes.” And Eddie is immediately like, “No, they were brown.” She’s like, “Oh, but [00:28:00] you didn’t notice.” Yeah.
Ellen: Yeah. He’s fucked.
Bex: And I love that we get like a little bit later in the episode. We hear Buck talk about Ana. So he must have just gone straight to work or straight home and just spilled everything to Buck about this beautiful teacher that he just met. And he’s so pretty and she gets his name.
Alice: He was texting Buck under the table at, um, the parent teacher conference.
Oh my God. Buck. S-O-S-S-O-S. Chris’s English teacher’s cute. What do I do?
Bex: But this is, I think this is the first time we’ve ever seen Eddie in this kind of situation.
Ellen: He was flustered.
Alice: Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah.
Bex: This is because every other time that we’ve had pretty women hit on Eddie, he’s completely brushed them off.
He’s just not been interested. Yeah. Um, and we’ve seen him with Shannon, but there was sort of a, a familiarity and comfort with [00:29:00] Shannon. This, this is Eddie being love struck and he’s absolutely fucking hilarious. ’cause he has no idea what he’s doing. Yeah. Or how to deal with it. I love it. Yeah.
So now we’re gonna go slightly more somber route. Athena is at the hospital looking for Apocalypse World Michael, because he’s called.
Ellen: Yeah. Yeah. And he asks, asks after her husband. And, um,
Bex: did you immediately think Michael?
Ellen: I was thinking Michael. Yeah. Yeah, because that’s the last person we saw. He, no, no. Hang on. He was looking after Bobby last time.
That’s right.
Bex: He was, but the last person, person, he wasn’t there. The last person we had in Athena’s life have medical issues was Michael.
Ellen: That’s right. Yeah. No, I did think of Michael and I’m like, wait a minute. No. It’s Bobby he’s asking about.
Bex: Yeah. He’s like, “how’s your husband?” And Athena’s like, “Bobby’s fine.”
I’m like, wait, why? Oh, ’cause of the, the radiation thing. Yeah. My bad. Sorry.
Alice: Yeah, when he almost turned into the Hulk, it’s fine.
Bex: Yeah. But he [00:30:00] didn’t call Athena in just to check up on Bobby, he has a, a woman who has been admitted with a gunshot wound. But interestingly enough, it is a three month old gunshot wound and she has no recollection of being shot.
Alice: Yeah, she came in just complaining about headaches.
Ellen: Turned out there was a bullet in her head.
Alice: Yeah. Two, maybe three months.
Bex: So Athena calls in Detective Romero and they start to question our gunshot victim. Who is Joan.
Alice: Yeah. She actually gets a name, which is exciting.
Bex: She gets a name and she seems like she seems really lovely.
Ellen: Can I go on a slight tangent about this lady?
Alice: You, a tangent? We love Ellen tangents.
Ellen: I’m gonna tangent.
Alice: We never get Ellen Tangents.
Bex: Where do you see, where did you see her in?
Ellen: Well, I, I thought I recognized her ’cause she looked really familiar, but I think I was getting like Hyacinth Bucket vibes from her.[00:31:00]
She looks a bit like, um, I can’t remember the actress that plays Hyacinth. But anyway, it’s not her. No, that’s not what I was thinking about. But I was looking her up and she’s been, this lady’s called Audrey, uh, Wasilewski. I’m sorry, I’m probably totally mispronouncing an eastern European name. Um, we,
Bex: I think it’s Polish.
Ellen: She is in a load of different show, like actual television series, but also movies as mostly like minor characters from what I can gather. But she’s also done heaps and heaps of voice work, so there’s a chance that I’m recognizing her voice from something.
Alice: I did recognize her voice. I haven’t actually looked up.
Ellen: She’s been in a lot of like, um, cartoons, like kids’ cartoons, but also, like games, like, um,
Bex: wow.
Ellen: She’s been in Kingdom Hearts games. She was in the Minecraft story mode things, Elder Scrolls online, like a, a bunch of different games as well as, um, you know, animated stuff. So yeah. [00:32:00] Very busy lady from like right up to the present all the way back to like 1995 or something.
Bex: She’s in the MCU. She did a voice in Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.
Ellen: Yeah. Mass Effect, Fallout three, like bunch of different games. Amazing. So yeah,
Bex: we love,
Ellen: there’s, there’s a good chance that we’ve heard her voice
Bex: looks like she is a
Ellen: and or seen her in other things.
Bex: She’s busy, busy working actress and we love to see it.
Ellen: Absolutely. Anyway, yeah, she’s great in this episode. Like she does a really good job of looking extremely confused about what’s going on and then really upset about the fact that yeah, it all happened. So yes. She, she does not remember being shot.
She’s like, “I, I have never been shot. I feel like that’s something I should remember.” And ’cause Athena has brought Romero in to, um, because he’s the detective on this case. Um, I’m not sure what, what Athena is [00:33:00] there for. Maybe she was the one who start, who took the call in the first place. You know,
Bex: I think Callaway called Athena maybe because, uh, he knows that she’s LAPD and then Athena’s gone this like gunshot equals like major crimes.
So I’m going to loop in Romero ’cause he’s my dude.
Ellen: Yep. Yeah, she’s pretty reluctant to actually believe that there’s a bullet in her anyway. She doesn’t wanna have the surgery and um, you know, Romero and Athena are both sort of convincing her. They’re like, you know, the, the X-rays show like a bullet. Like, we’re pretty sure that it’s, it’s happened, so we just need to find out what happened around January, February time.
Did anything weird happen? She’s like, not really.
Alice: Um, that’s, that’s where I know her. She’s in Brooklyn Nine Nine. Okay. Yes, I’m still going through,
Ellen: but only, only, only like one episode though, right?
Alice: Yeah, she, um, plays like a love interest of Scully’s.
Ellen: Oh, [00:34:00] okay. Yeah. Joan says, “Not nothing unusual, like my life is pretty boring. It’s just me and my husband,” but her husband isn’t there. He’s out golfing somewhere because they’ve taken early retirement and she’s like, “oh, I should probably call him should I?”
Bex: She goes to get something out of her bag that’ll have the information to call her husband and like, pretty much dumps everything out on the, um, the bed.
And, you know, there’s the usual stuff that you have in your handbag, but including like a massive family sized bottle of aspirin and Athena’s sort of eyeing that and going, um, “You, you get a lot of headaches?” And she’s like, you know, Joan says, “You know, I never used to, but now I just always have one.”
Alice: It’s still really interesting to me.
This is totally unrelated, well, not totally unrelated. It’s partially unrelated, um, that Americans just have their painkillers in, [00:35:00] um, like bottles still. ’cause all ours are in blister packs.
Ellen: I, I’ve got a bottle of ibuprofen in the cupboard. Yeah,
Bex: Neurophin comes in. It’s like you can’t get it that size. You can get it in like baby spies bottles, but you can get it in a bottle.
Alice: I used to be able to get it in a bottle. They don’t seem to have it here anymore.
Ellen: Oh, okay.
Bex: I will say I have a bottle of aspirin in my bag, but I did buy that in the States. So,
but anyway, Joan has a big bottle of aspirin. She finds her planner, uh, which she says has her husband’s information in it. She hands it over to Romero and he opens it up to I guess it would be today’s date and there’s notes all through it. She’s reminding herself that she’s got yoga. She’s reminding herself to pick up dry, cleaning.
There are sticky notes with extra notes, um, on top of the notes that she’s already left herself. But as he’s asking her [00:36:00] about the planner, like, do you normally write stuff down? He’s flicking backwards and anything before January is blank. She never used it. Hmm. And she says that she used to have a really good memory and she prided herself on being able to remember things.
But as you get older, like the last three months, um, she’s needed a little help. Her, her head, her head starts to, to hurt again. So Athena Romero say that they’ll leave her, they’ll call the doctor. Um, she can’t remember the name of the doctor, even though Athena told her the name of the doctor like two minutes before.
Um, so they leave her, they’ll call the doctor, they go out in the hallway and they’re like, romero is completely shocked. She really does not remember being shot. And Athena seems to suspect the husband.
Alice: Um, they also borrow her planner.
Bex: I think it’s, that’s, I know that they need to because it’s evidence, [00:37:00] but like they give it back to her later on. She’s like, “oh my God. I was wondering where that went.”
Alice: Yeah, I was looking for it.
Bex: This poor woman.
Alice: Oh, she needed a planner to tell her where her planner went.
Bex: Exactly.
Alice: Yeah. Um, but we go back to Christopher’s school after this. Yes. Um, and Eddie’s in a hurry. He’s looking a bit panicked. But Carla’s there and she’s talking to a woman and when we get closer, we see it’s, um, Ana and Eddie like addresses Carla first and is like, “What the hell happened?” Carla’s like, “No, I told you Christopher’s fine. You didn’t have to come down. It’s just some scrapes and bruises.” And Eddie immediately like, turns on Ana. He’s like, “How did he hurt himself?” But Carla answers.
Bex: Yeah. Carla’s trying to, like, Carla must know what Eddie’s like.
Alice: Oh yeah.
Bex: So she’s, she’s trying to mediate here and she
Alice: yeah, she’s trying to diffuse the situation
Bex: and she makes a [00:38:00] joke of it and she says, “Well, it turns out Christopher and skateboards really don’t get along that well.” Like, ha, isn’t that funny? Eddie’s just like, you can just see the rage building in him.
Like “you let him skateboard?”,
Ellen: it’s a it bit of a change of. Yeah. A bit of a change of heart from last time.
Bex: Oh yeah. Yeah. It’s, it’s not heart eyes anymore. He’s got like laser beams coming out of his eyes.
Alice: Yeah, he is the red, angry emoji face.
Bex: But again, like the setup for this, I don’t understand one, why are they out in the courtyard?
Because Eddie had to walk through the office to get to the courtyard where Carla and Ana is. Two: why is it Ana? Like I know why it’s Ana because they need that for the further the storyline, but why her? And then three, where is Christopher in all of this?
Alice: Yeah. Where’s Christopher?
Bex: Why are they all outside talking about this? Where is the kid?
Ellen: Well, he comes out in a moment.
Bex: I know, but like, he’s obviously like in the nurse’s office or something. So why didn’t they [00:39:00] all go to the nurse’s office?
Alice: Because they didn’t wanna yell at Ana in front of Christopher.
Bex: Yeah, I I it’s just like the storylining is not, the storyline is not storylining for me.
But, but yeah, he um, I think if, if they weren’t out in a semi-public place around children, um, Eddie would very much be yelling at, yeah. Poor Ms. Flores.
Alice: Um, so yeah, one of the kids had brought, had brought a skateboard. Um, Eddie’s very mad about that because Christopher could have broken his neck.
Um, Ana says she knows that she feels terrible. The other kids were showing him how to ride it, and they didn’t know that. And Eddie immediately blames the kids. He’s like, ” Didn’t they? Like, let’s push the kid with CP around on a skateboard for fun. You let them make a fool of my son.”
Ellen: Um, yeah, he immediately jumps to the worst conclusion about what happened.
Alice: Ana’s like, “I promise that’s not what happened here.” [00:40:00] Is it Ana or Ana? Are we saying it?
Bex: Uh, I’m pretty sure it’s Ana.
Alice: No, no. I’m just trying to work out how to pronounce it. Oh, it’s not in the episode yet, is it?
Bex: No.
Alice: Dammit.
Bex: But I’m pretty sure it’s Ana. We’ll find out in another couple of episodes, I’m sure. But, um, but.
The man of the hour chooses this moment to make his appearance. And he’s got, first the thing, the first thing that we see is that he’s got a big rip in the knee of his school issued khakis. Um, and it’s big and it’s bloody. Um, although the first thing I noticed was that his glasses and his crutches are color coordinated.
I thought that was very stylish of him.
Ellen: Yeah. The the graze on his elbow looks pretty nasty. Like it doesn’t look like they actually patched him up much at all.
Bex: No!
Ellen: And he’s not covered in blood, but like
Bex: Well, he is [00:41:00] got the…
Ellen: could have put a bandaid on him.
Bex: Knees, knees covered up. It’s like this massive chunk on his elbow.
He’s got blood splatter on his polo shirt. Um, yeah. And the first thing he’s worried about is that he’s ruined his clothes.
Ellen: Oh, bless.
Bex: And Eddie’s like, you don’t, do not worry about your clothes whatsoever. Carla offers to run home and get, um. Chris spare change of clothes so that he can go back to class.
And Eddie just immediately scoops him up. I’m like, “No, we’re done for the day. Um, we are leaving.” And Chris goes from whining about school not being over to just like, collapsing into his father’s arms, like a token protest. Oh, but school’s not over, but I’m gonna go home. Please take me home. Then we get home and Eddie’s on the phone with the principal.
So why didn’t he just talk to the principal while he was at the school?
Alice: Yeah, right. I guess ’cause Christopher turned up and he didn’t wanna, but like he’s too focused. Be like focused. Oh, Carla, can you, I [00:42:00] don’t fucking know.
Bex: Yeah. Like the storyline is just ridiculous, but yes. Um, we follow the Diaz’s home.
Eddie is on the phone with the principal who assures him that the kid who had the skateboard is going to be firmly reprimanded and his parents are gonna be looped in on that. Um. Carla is making a snack. I think she’s making Christopher a snack and she just wants to know what about the kid who was the one who actually rode and fell off the skateboard?
What’s,
Alice: um, it is pronounced “Anna”.
Bex: It is?
Alice: Yeah. It just took me three YouTube videos, but it’s pronounced Ana.
Ellen: Whoops. Okay.
Bex: I think I’ve watched far too much Frozen,
Alice: literally.
Ellen: Oh
Alice: yeah.
Bex: Fuck it. I’m sticking with my pronunciation. It is A-n-a though. Just for those.
Alice: Yes, it’s [00:43:00] A-n-a
Bex: for those of you playing along at home.
Alice: But when you find this in the bloopers later, um, it’s, um,
Ellen: no, I’m just gonna leave it in.
Alice: It’s A-n-a, but it’s Ana.
Ellen: All right. Well, no, Eddie was just saying to Carla, “You think I should punish Christopher for getting hurt?” And she’s like, “No, no, but you should talk to him. About how he got hurt and the fact that he wants to be like all the other kids, but,” and he’s like, “I can’t tell him like, you want me to tell him he’s different. I, I don’t wanna do that.” But Carla’s sort of saying, “You need to teach him that. It means that he has limitations and you can’t just go jumping into everything.”
Bex: Yeah. Eddie doesn’t want Eddie’s doesn’t wanna tell Christopher that he’s different from the other kids. And Carla says he already knows he’s different from the other kids.
So they head into the dining room where Chris is changed, I’m gonna say he’s in jammies, um, or at least he’s now in sort of civvies. [00:44:00] And they sits him down to have his afternoon snack. He asks Chris how he’s feeling and Chris just says, “I feel dumb ’cause everybody saw me fall off the skateboard.”
Ellen: Yeah. And Eddie says, “So that boy should never have pressured you into getting on that skateboard.”
Bex: And then Chris just goes, “But it was my idea.” Yeah. Like what? It was my idea. And Cara starts laughing in the background, and Eddie’s just absolutely dumbstruck. Like, “Why? What? What do you mean? It was your idea? You, you wanted to get on the skateboard?” Chris was like, “Yeah, it looked like fun. It wasn’t,”
Alice: it wasn’t.
Bex: I love this kid. They give him, I don’t know whether they give him the best lines or Gavin’s line readings. It’s just hilarious. Yeah, it’s adorable. Um, and then we get the, like the knife in the heart because Eddie goes, “But why, why would you get on the skateboard? You had to know that it’d be dangerous.”
And Chris just looks at him and says, “You said I can [00:45:00] do anything. You lied.”
Alice: Oof.
Ellen: Oh yeah. There’s the limitations thing coming in. You can do anything. You might just need a little bit of extra support for some.
Bex: Yeah. But he didn’t, he didn’t say that. He said, no, Chris, you can do anything you wanna do.
Ellen: That’s right. Yep.
Bex: Yeah, so Carla was right.
Ellen: Oh, heartbreak. Speaking of heartbreak, um,
Bex: speaking of heartbreak,
Ellen: we, we go, we go to dispatch. Um, and Josh is looking very pleased with himself because he tells Maddie that she inspired him. And Maddie’s like, “I don’t think I meant to, but you’re welcome.” But he, he’s got back into, he’s trying to get into the dating game again.
Bex: Josh is on the dating apps and he seems to have caught a good one. Like he even uses punctuation, including semicolons in [00:46:00] his conversation with Josh
Alice: and even, and even Maddie is just like, I never used semicolons.
Bex: It’s a good thing you’re not dating then. ’cause you would not get anywhere.
Alice: Good thing you’re not Josh’s type, Maddie.
Ellen: Yeah. So he’s gonna meet, they’re gonna meet up tonight in a public place and Josh is really excited, but he doesn’t want not just the one night, um, he doesn’t want just a one night stand. He’s tired of being alone. But he, you know, he says “The only meaningful relationships in my life are the ones who I make with the people who call me to save their lives.”
I’m like, dude, that’s not a relationship. You’re just helping them.
Bex: It’s, it’s, so, it’s even sadder than that is like, the most me meaningful relationships in my life are made 10 minutes at a time. And some of them don’t survive.
Alice: Yeah. Like, ouch.
Bex: So he wants, he doesn’t wanna hook up, he wants like an actual relationship. And he’s really, he’s got all of his hopes pinned on this guy because he is excited to answer [00:47:00] the phone when this guy texts calls. I don’t know what they’re doing. He says, um, answer the phone, which kind of implies calls, but who knows.
Yeah, he’s, he’s excited.
Alice: I mean, Josh is probably just a little bit younger than Abby maybe. And, you know, Abby was always calling, so
Bex: they still, they still call. Yeah. Maddie’s segues us into the next storyline by saying that, um, when Josh asks her if she thinks online dating is a terrible idea, she says that everyone has a match.
You just have to find specifically for Josh, him. But I guess you just have to find them. And then when you move on to the Tessa and Gary storyline,
Ellen: oh yeah. This is ridiculous.
Alice: Like this is such, this is such a Reddit story. Like I’ve absolutely read this story on Reddit.
Bex: Oh yeah.
Ellen: All right. So Tessa is 27.
She’s, she’s a [00:48:00] vegan, she’s living the plant life. She just reinstalled the app on my phone. Please don’t make me regret it. Um, at least she’s honest. Gary is way too honest. He’s like, “hello, women of the internet.” Like, oh dear, I oh dear.
Bex: Immediately would’ve swiped away.
Ellen: Um, he does have quite a lot of boilerplate dating cliches, like long walks on the Beach Ex, et cetera,
Bex: but then he actually calls them boilerplate dating cliches.
Ellen: Yeah, yeah, yeah. “Hoping to find someone sweet to get me off this God forsaken app.” So he’s, he’s, he’s doing the bare minimum here,
Bex: but for some reason Tessa likes that.
Ellen: Yeah.
Bex: Um, because they both like each other’s profiles, I guess. Um, and we get a, a thing up on the screen that says “it’s a match,” and then.
The rest of this tale is told via text message bubbles. [00:49:00]
Alice: Yeah.
Bex: Over the top of the images we see on screen. So we are told that this is the story of the worst first date ever. And it’s not even text message bubbles, that’s just annoying. It’s text message bubbles with emoji speech.
Ellen: Yeah. Oh yeah.
Bex: And it’s the worst emojis possible.
It’s, whoever was writing this is, is a, is dating themselves because it can’t, the first one is, “it started thumbs up”. And the only thing I could think of was the, this crazy woman on TikTok who was going around trying to convince millennials and Gen X that the thumb up emoji is the equivalent of flipping someone the bird.
Oh yeah. Apparently it’s, it’s the like. Gen Z and Gen Alpha, they don’t like the thumbs up emoji. You can pry that emoji from my [00:50:00] cold dead hands.
Ellen: Yeah. Sorry.
Alice: I was gonna say, to be fair, they don’t like anything so,
Ellen: but far too millennial here, I’m afraid.
Alice: Skinny jeans, side parts like, fuck off.
Bex: So yes, so the, the, um, the emojis, um, are gonna tell the story here.
So we have Tessa and Gary in what turns out to be Gary’s apartment making out on the couch and the text bubbles tell us, “it started thumbs up. We ate amazing hamburger, hot pot, soft serve ice cream emoji. We drank great champagne. Flutes, beerstein cocktail glass, came back for lips, movie projector,”
Ellen: Netflix, and chill in other words.
Bex: It took me too long to think that, to realize that it was like conversation and a movie and not just, we came back for like kissing.
Alice: Oh, uh, I thought it was literally just like Netflix and chill. Like it was kissing while watching a movie.
Ellen: I mean, that’s what they were doing immediately after that. Yeah.[00:51:00]
But yeah, uh, she was, she’s a fire emoji.
Bex: “She was a fire emoji. He was 100. Underline, underline. I was heart emoji.” Um, they go for round two of making out, but Tessa’s stomach makes a, an awful squelching rumbling noise and she excuses herself to the bathroom and the text bubbles say, then it got weird.
Ellen: Yeah. And I, and I was just like, oh my God. Where are we going with this?
Bex: This is, um, she broke the first rule of date club, which is, you don’t talk about date club. No. Apparently it’s you poop emoji before the, you poop emoji after you never poop emoji during,
Ellen: Ugh. Yeah.
So, yeah, she, she does, um, you know, spray quite a lot of air freshener around after she’s finished. Um, but she [00:52:00] notices that when she’s flushed it, it’s not empty. So she flushes it again. And I don’t know if this story is based on a real thing, but, you know, maybe Sure. This happens. Um, so Gary is busily getting stuff ready in the living room, tidying up and stuff.
But meanwhile, Tessa is having a, a real problem with getting the toilet to flush properly and water is coming out of the bowl.
Bex: Yeah. It’s starting to overflow at this point.
Ellen: It’s clogging up. Yeah.
Bex: Um, and she, she keeps trying to flush the toilet. It, it’s just making things worse. And then she, like, she goes broke.
She’s like, it’s, it’s obviously it’s not going down. And she looks at, she notices that there is a window, an external window for the bathroom. And we get her looking at the window, we get her looking at a hand towel that’s hanging on a rack, and she’s like, well, if it’s not gonna go [00:53:00] down, it’s gotta go somewhere.
So apparently this somewhere that it’s gotta go is out the window.
Ellen: Oh, this is just disgusting. So I didn’t realize what she was, what she had done here. I just thought,
Bex: oh, didn’t you? Oh my God,
Ellen: I must, I must have looked away for a little bit and not seen the hand towel or something, because I thought she was just climbing out the window to escape, even though she was on like the third floor or something.
Bex: Oh no.
Ellen: And um, and then when it wasn’t until later when the towel falls to the ground and like, Hen and Chim look at it, and I’m like, oh, what?
Bex: No. So she. To put it really bluntly, she scooped the shit out of the toilet with the hand towel and she’s trying to fling it out the window.
Ellen: Oh my God.
Bex: For like, plausible deniability.
But as she’s about to fling it, it ’cause the window, it’s not like a full window, it’s just like this little flappy part at the top. Um, it drops and it lands on [00:54:00] the ledge, the outside ledge of the window. And she’s like, I cannot just have like this shit in a towel sitting on the window ledge. He’s gonna notice, he’s gonna realize what I’ve done.
She can’t reach though. So she climbs up on like the lintel of the window on the inside of the bathroom so she can like lean out and say, grab the towel so she can get rid of it. But the wood that she’s got her feet on, snap off, leaving her dangling like half in and half out of the window and she can’t move.
Alice: Yep. Um, this is probably the most honest 9-1-1 call that we’ve actually gotten in this entire show though, um, because it’s like Maddie takes the call and Gary just goes, “Um, not sure where to start.”
Bex: So the 118 get dispatched, we get the ladder truck and we get, um, Eddie on the ladder [00:55:00] going up to the window to try to rescue Tessa while Bobby and Buck are inside the bathroom and inside the apartment, um, to go into the bathroom from that direction.
So while Eddie is climbing the ladder and Buck and Bobby are inside the apartment talking to Gary, Chim and Hen are on the street below watching as Eddie’s walking up the ladder and Chim makes a Rapunzel joke. He’s like, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your…” shitty hand towel apparently. ’cause that’s what comes falling down.
Ellen: Did it just to like eventually overbalance and fall off? Did someone actually hook?
Bex: No, I’m, I’m gonna say gravity finally took its toll and it just fell. And Tessa is like mortified and she sort of, she calls out to them like, “Watch out, get outta the way.”
Um, and it literally lands at their [00:56:00] feet and they’re both like, huh, what is this? So Hen kicks at it exposing the um,
Ellen: yeah, thankfully. I don’t think we actually see,
Bex: no, we don’t see anything inside it. We just get the, the reaction, which is both of them recoil with horror. Yes. And I think they were more horrified than the shit in the hand towel than they were, uh, bulging eyeballs.
Ellen: Yes.
Bex: And every other thing that they have seen.
Alice: Yeah. I would be, to be fair.
Ellen: Yeah. And Hen says, “I thought the new baby went everywhere.” And then I was like, oh, that’s right. They’ve got a new baby I forgot about. Well,
Alice: yeah. I forgot to put that in there previously. Yeah. I was too, too busy worrying about Chim’s new baby.
Ellen: Yeah.
Bex: To be fair, Nia was in there for like 2.5 seconds.
Alice: Yeah.
Ellen: Yeah. We only, barely saw her.
Bex: but I, I do like that they’ve like, remember, remember that Nia is around? Yeah. You remember that? You’re not gonna see her this episode. Hen is barely gonna be in this [00:57:00] episode, but we are just gonna remind you that, that like they have a baby.
Um, so Eddie is up to the window. He lets Bobby and Buck know that she is clear of the door and. Buck is free to use the battering ram and bash in the door. And I have to say that Gary,
Ellen: He (Buck) looks very happy about it.
Bex: Gary’s being very cool about the destruction that’s being, that’s take place in his apartment.
Alice: Yeah. He’s like, yeah, whatever.
Bex: Yeah. Do what you gotta do.
Alice: Yeah. So Eddie asks Tessa if it was a bad date and she was trying to escape and she goes, “no, there was a whole Lemony Snicket level of things that went wrong here.”
Bex: So they, the, the 118 tried to extricate Tessa from her situation, um, Buck and Bobby try to pull her back into the bathroom while Eddie sort of pushes her from the outside. Hen’s up there as well on the ladder, just keeping an eye on her.
Alice: Um, but yeah, I don’t know how [00:58:00] Hen got up there so fast.
Bex: No, I don’t know where she’s standing ’cause she’s like much, much lower than
Ellen: Eddie. Oh yeah.
Bex: I’m, I’m not thinking about it.
Ellen: No, no, let’s not worry about that. No. Yeah, she’s lower.
Bex: Maybe they and
Alice: Hen teleports because she’s just that awesome.
Bex: She’s on a second ladder? I dunno.
Ellen: She’s levitating,
Bex: We’re not thinking about it. But Tessa’s not moving and Bobby tells them to, to stop to, to keep her in position until they, they work out plan B. And uh, Buck is eyeing the window and he tells Bobby that this, this, like the window, “this is the original wood. We can’t just poop out the top panel pop, we can’t just pop out the top panel. Sorry.”
And Tessa was just like, oh, okay. “This, yep. My day can’t get any worse.”
Ellen: That’s so mean, Buck.
Alice: Oh God.
Ellen: [00:59:00] So they, they decide they’re gonna have to cut the window out of the frame.
Bex: Yeah, they’re gonna have to cut the window.
Ellen: And Tessa just keeps on saying like, “he’s not gonna wanna see me ever again. Like. This just keeps getting worse.”
Um, but she’s, her vitals are good. She’s gonna be okay. So, and, but she says to Hen, “I’m, I’m okay, but has anyone actually died of actual shame?” And Hen’s just like, “Oh, I’m sorry honey.”
Bex: Tessa is all like, ” Gary is never gonna wanna speak to me again. You have no idea how hard it is just to meet someone these days.”
And Buck removes his foot from his mouth to shove it even further down because he says, “Oh, believe me, as a fellow solo, I know. Eddie over here might have finally met someone special. But then he went and bit her head off and now she’ll never talk to him again and probably flunk his kid out.”
And if looks could kill Eddie would be like murdering Buck, reviving him with his paramedic skills and then murdering [01:00:00] him again through the glass since he’s just like shaking his head going, what the fuck, Buck.
Alice: I love that buck. That Buck’s just like, “oh yeah, I’m single, but let me talk about my buddy Eddie here for a minute.”
Bex: But it’s also confirmation that Eddie, like
Alice: Eddie’s told Buck everything and none of the others know, so he’s only told Buck.
Bex: So he went and told Buck all about, like this pretty new woman, pretty new teacher that, um, that Chris has.
And she’s pretty, and she’s a woman and she’s pretty, and she’s, she thinks I’m a good dad. And then he’s obviously gone and ranted to Buck about how she’s irresponsible and she’s dangerous and she hurt his kid and she’s, he’s gonna sue her like five ways to Sunday. She’s still pretty though. Did I, did I mention how pretty she was?
Yeah.
Alice: Oh, and then, whoops. It was actually Christopher this whole time
Ellen: and after Eddie gives him the death glare, um, Buck’s like, “Well, you kind of did!” But they managed to cut Tessa free and [01:01:00] she’s just like looking so sheepish as she goes back in. And sees Gary and she’s like, “oh, I’ll call a Lyft.”
Which is like an Uber, an old, like, is Lyft still around? I don’t know. We don’t really, I don’t think we have it in Australia at all. Right?
Alice: Yeah. I dunno.
Bex: Uh, don’t think we got Lyft. No, but it’s interesting that it’s, it’s name dropped Lyft. So this episode was sponsored by Lyft.
Ellen: Because I mean, in our kind of vocabulary now, we usually just say Uber when, well, for me anyway, I’m just even even over saying, I’ll get a taxi. I’ll just say I’m get, I’ll get an Uber.
Alice: Yeah.
Ellen: Because it’s got such a huge market share here, I guess.
Bex: Yes.
Alice: Like even my dad the other day who has never, I don’t think he’s ever gotten an Uber in his life, was just like, oh, we’ll just catch an Uber. And mom was just like, how do you know that what Uber is?
Ellen: She says, “I’ll call Lyft.” And then Gary’s just like, “or you could stay.” I’m like, [01:02:00] wow. She did all that, you’re just like kind of into this.
Bex: You’re so desperate for a date that you are willing to put up with her, like flinging poop from your bathroom window leading to the destruction of not only your bathroom door but your entire bathroom window and you still wanna sleep with her?
Alice: Like, I mean, he did start the, um, he did start his video with hey women of the internet. So he probably hasn’t got many matches.
Ellen: He’s got low standards I suppose, but also obviously they have actually hit it off quite well during their date. It just all went to shit literally at the end. So, you know, maybe he’s not fussy.
Bex: So we, the text messages come back to finish off the story, um, which says that, um, “heart emoji is messy, but also party popper, pop champagne bottle with the right couple emoji.”
Ellen: Ugh. Very annoying.
Bex: And at this point I was just [01:03:00] so sick of reading emojis.
Ellen: All right. So we’re gonna go to another date night.
Bex: Yes.
Ellen: Okay. It’s not really, it’s just Buck and Eddie having a beer.
Alice: That’s date night. Let’s be real.
Bex: There’s no Christopher this time, as far as we know. So it could be date night.
Ellen: Well, in, in any case, um, Eddie’s complaining to Buck about his problems as we know. Well, well, we already, I think Buck already knows everything about what’s happened, so he’s still complaining about it.
Bex: I feel like this scene maybe should have come before the emergency.
Ellen: Well, it wouldn’t have had as much impact because then we wouldn’t have been so surprised that Buck knew about that.
Bex: Yeah. I,
Ellen: but yeah, it doesn’t make sense that he’s, they were still complaining about it now.
Bex: Yeah. ’cause we, we’ve had the, um, “You told me I could do anything. You lied.” And then there’s an entire. Like Workday and then we get the um, we get [01:04:00] the pretty sure all kids call their parents liars at some point conversation, so
Alice: Yeah. And they’re in Buck’s loft, so who knows where the fuck Christopher is.
Bex: I say he’s still with Carla? So like in my head this came kind of immediately after like that thing and then they had the emergency with Tessa and Gary and it just got all mixed up in the, in the editing suite.
Ellen: Yeah.
Alice: Either that or Christopher still just sitting on the couch like, do they think I can’t hear them in here?
Bex: I dunno. But they still are cute together. Um, Buck says that if Eddie thinks the, um, you’re a liar from Chris is bad, wait till he gets to the I don’t have to do what you tell me phase and Eddie immediately shoots back, “Aren’t you still in that phase?”
And he’s not wrong,
Alice: there’s so many digs at Buck this episode.
Bex: Yeah. But he’s obviously in a very good mood ’cause he is letting them just all roll off [01:05:00] his back. Or maybe he’s got, like, his mask is just really, really good and then everyone goes home and he just goes up into the loft and cries himself to sleep.
Alice: Aw.
Ellen: It’s okay if Eddie says it though.
Bex: Yeah. It’s okay if Eddie says it. The Chim one probably stung, he’d probably been thinking about that one for a while, but it’s okay.
Ellen: He’s probably used to it from Maddie. Well, Buck, um, as reassures him that, you know, he’s, he’s probably, he’s overcorrecting like, he doesn’t need to be so worried about it because he, he asks if he’s ever heard of Jim Abbott and Eddie recognizes that he was a baseball player
Bex: because we know that Eddie likes baseball because Ryan likes baseball.
Ellen: Yeah. Right. Gotcha. Um, Buck explains that Jim Abbott was only born with one hand, and the reason he knows this is because he read his book while when he was in the hospital. But, [01:06:00] um, he practiced, apparently this guy practiced switching his glove to his throwing hand so that he could field after he pitched.
So he just played the whole game with like one hand, which is amazing. Great effort. Eddie is sort of like, “I like the positivity, but I’m not sure if that’s gonna help Chris at all. Like, no amount of practice is gonna help him be able to ride a skateboard.”
Bex: And Buck’s face just goes “All right, bet.”
Ellen: Yeah. The wheels are already turning.
Bex: Yes.
Ellen: Buck has the brain cell. Yeah. Did we just see the, the brain cell being passed over then? Like
Alice: I think we did.
Ellen: It got transferred?
Bex: No, I, I don’t that that implies that Eddie had the brain cell. I think Buck had Oh, I think that, I think Buck had it. It’s just been finally engaged.
Ellen: Right. Good. So now we’re gonna go to Michael’s apartment, which is really beautiful. Is this the first time we’ve seen Michael’s apartment? Because,
Bex: no,
Ellen: I don’t remember seeing it before
Bex: we saw it.
Alice: No, we saw it last week.
Bex: We saw it last week. When May
Ellen: We saw when May was there. Yeah. But I don’t think we saw [01:07:00] much of it then.
But now we can see because Athena is there and she’s bought him some groceries and she’s unpacking them. So we’re in the kitchen and you can see that it’s kind of high ceilings and it’s all very modern looking. It’s beautiful.
Bex: Yes. It’s a very nice apartment. Um, Michael’s bitching a little bit about Athena being there and getting him groceries.
He says, you know, “I’m not an invalid. I can still go and get groceries.” Um, Athena has an ulterior motive, but she at this point just says to him like, “I’m doing something nice for you. Say thank you.” And he, she hands him this bottle of green juice. He’s like, “Ooh, thank you.”
Alice: Yeah. He’s very excited about this green juice.
Ellen: Also, the last time you went to the shops, he walked through a glass window.
Alice: Yeah. So like, maybe you can’t be trusted Yeah. At the shops.
Bex: Also true. Athena has been keeping Michael up to date on the Wallace case, which is the, the lady who has been shot but doesn’t remember that she’s been shot.
Alice: Yeah. The bullet lady,
Bex: Bullet lady.[01:08:00]
So she had brain surgery to remove the bullet from her brain, which was surgically removed. Um, which is important for later on. Um, and now they are just waiting for ballistics to tell them anything that it can about the actual bullet. So Michael seems really interested in the story and he is like, “Well, what does the husband say?”
The thing is like, he claims to have no idea how his wife got shot. Um, and then we, we meet the husband. ’cause he has showed up just in time for her surgery.
Ellen: He looks very upset that she’s having to go through this.
Bex: He looks something all right.
Ellen: Yeah, well, she, she says she loves him. I mean, I think later we find out that spoilers, um, that he, you know, he didn’t mean to shoot her, is what he says.
Oh, he just sort of covered the whole thing up.
Bex: Yeah, he’s, he’s, he’s got guilt written all over [01:09:00] him at this point.
Alice: Yeah. Um, so yeah, Athena says that he actually tried to interrogate them and Michael’s like, “Yeah, the best defense is a good offense. What about his alibi?” But Athena says they don’t even know when she was shot and without a specific timeline, they can’t prove anything.
Bex: So while Athena and Michael are talking, we are seeing, um, sort of flashbacks to, um, probably not that long ago, but in the hospital. So as Athena’s talking, we’re seeing her, watching her and Romero, or watching this guy with like beady eyes as he’s accompanying his wife as far as he can to the, the surgical suite.
So Michael is more sort of interested in the, um, the relationship between the wife and her husband. There’s this big thing about, you know, you don’t know who you marry, um, but the truth will come out.
Ellen: Yeah, and they’re kind of giving each other the. Yeah. You know what happened? Look, you [01:10:00] know how it is.
Bex: Yeah. We, we know what it’s like when, you know, the truth comes out in a marriage. Um, yeah. And then Athena sort of gets, you know, you know, the, the surgeon who, you know, did the brain surgery to take the bullet out of her brain, which involved like cutting into her brain said that it wasn’t that hard and, you know, it was just brain surgery,
Alice: you know, it was just brain surgery.
It was easy.
Bex: They were worried.
Alice: She’s fine, she’s all good.
Bex: And Michael just goes “Ah. Right, now I understand why you’re getting me groceries.” Yeah. Yeah. Like, and he’s like, “I’m not having this surgery.” He’s apparently having another round of radiation. Um, and he is on the list for a new chemo pill and I really hope that they’ve got excellent health insurance.
’cause I don’t know how they’re paying for this otherwise. Mm-hmm.
Alice: Michael sued Athena for alimony, it’s fine.
Bex: I mean, he, I’m guessing architects earn really well and the the
Alice: Oh yeah, true.
Bex: The firm that he’s with has got like really good [01:11:00] cobra payments or something. I dunno,
Alice: he’d probably have better insurance than, um, Athena would, honestly.
Bex: Yeah, probably
Alice: because like if he’s in a private firm as well. Yeah.
Ellen: But Athena tells him that he is a fool. I think it’s a favorite word right now. Yep. Yep. She wants to be supportive and she wants to respect his wishes, but she does not want him to die.
Bex: And he is like, I don’t wanna die either.
Ellen: But then after that, um, Athena gets a message on her phone and apparently they ballistics have found a match and Michael asked, “Does the gun belong to the husband?” And Athena says, “Worse, it belongs to the wife.”
Alice: Bum bum buuum.
Ellen: So I was like, has she managed to shoot herself in the back of her head? Like, no, that doesn’t really work. But anyway, yeah.
Bex: But before we are gonna find anything else about that storyline, we are going to go with Josh on his date, [01:12:00] which starts off like really cute there. It’s an outdoor cinema set up in a graveyard.
Alice: Yeah, it’s in, it’s, I believe it’s in like the famous cemetery in la like where all the famous people are buried.
Bex: Everyone’s, everyone’s got picnics, um, picnic blankets and they’ve got food and they’re all set up and there’s a giant screen and I think it’s Young Frankenstein that they’re watching.
Ellen: Yeah.
Bex: Which is like a, that
Ellen: it’s an old movie. That’s that guy with the really beady eyes, kind of like the guy at the start of the episode.
Bex: Um, but Josh is, we sort of see Josh sort of wandering around, checking his phone. He’s obviously looking for his date, who got there earlier. Eventually they find each other and Josh hurries over to the, the blanket that his date Greg has set up. And they’ve sort of like have [01:13:00] little, little like flirty banter backwards and forwards.
And, um, Josh compliments Greg on choosing a, like a really cool first date. And Greg says, you know, he figures that there’s nothing more romantic than watching an old movie snacking on the graves of the people who used to make the movies.
Ellen: Yes. And then Josh says “If the zombies rise up, we’ll be eaten by the silver screen starlets and screenwriters,” which is a hilarious thought.
Uh, so they watched the movie and they’re having a lovely time having a bit of a chat about work.
Bex: So Josh has obviously told Greg that he’s a 9-1-1 dispatcher and then. Greg gets a little more flirty and he tells Josh that he remembers when going to the movies was all about making out in the back row, but they’re, you know, they’re not in a cinema with a back row, [01:14:00] but he heard that Rudolph Valentino’s grave is somewhere around here.
Maybe that’s the back row.
Ellen: Yeah.
Bex: And Josh, Josh goes with,
Ellen: yeah, Josh is on board. Yeah.
Bex: Yeah, Josh seems perfectly happy to be pulled to his feet. And they scurry off to the, um, the back of the, the little picnic area. So they’re behind all of the moviegoers. Um, and like Greg even kind of like grabs Josh, sort of like two hands on the, the front of his shirt.
Like he’s about to haul him in and kiss him. Um, which Josh looks like he’s completely down for, even though he said that this is exactly what he wouldn’t do on a first date, um, and then things take a turn because a third guy shows up and that’s apparently not what Josh is into. Hmm. He’s also not [01:15:00] into when Greg and this third guy just start wailing on him,
Ellen: Josh is like trying to get out of it.
He’s like, “I dunno what you guys are into, but it definitely doesn’t feel like my thing.” But Greg’s like, “you missed all of the clues”
Bex: “because somebody who spends their days listen for clues, you sure managed to miss all of them,” before punching him square across the face, knocking Josh to the ground, and then they start kicking the crap out of him before stealing his wallet and his keys and running off.
And it’s really, you get the vibe from Greg that this was the whole point of the date.
Ellen: Oh yeah,
Bex: that and to the point that he is actually quite disgusted with himself that he had to pretend to be into Josh. It was like, oh, I had to, I had to touch another man. I pretend to flirt with another man. Yeah.
Ellen: Maybe we should add like a homophobia trigger to the beginning. ’cause it does feel [01:16:00] a lot like that, like purposely trying to hook up with guys in order to beat them up and steal their stuff.
Bex: I’m gonna check though. Um, what’s the thing that’s trauma. Where’s my trauma?
Ellen: Where’s your trauma?
Bex: The document is called “a show of many traumas” and my, my end is, my browser remembers all of my, um, Google docs.
So if I just type trauma in it will… See, but the thing is, and I think this is ah, the tags in the trauma document. Says “reoccurring character is robbed slash beaten, not because of homophobia,” but I think that’s, yeah, but I think that’s slightly in retrospect, like watching the show and then coming back and doing the triggers.
Because even though Greg is giving off massive [01:17:00] homophobic vibes, there’s a bigger storyline at play here, but we can’t say anything because it’s gonna spoil stuff.
Ellen: Oh, okay.
Bex: So even though Greg is giving off the vibes that he, he’s assaulting and kicking the crap out of Josh because that’s like how he gets his rocks off, is by picking up gay men and then assaulting them.
There is something else at play happening. And that’s all I’m gonna say. Okay.
Ellen: I’m intrigued. I’m not looking forward to seeing anyone else getting beaten up and robbed, but Okay.
Bex: No, no, it’s definitely not, not an easy thing to watch.
Ellen: Yeah. Especially because later, like next, um, we get Josh in the hospital and Maddie comes to pick him up, basically, um, I’m not sure why does Josh not have any family in the area or something?
He calls Maddie to [01:18:00] come and get him.
Bex: Maybe, maybe she’s his emergency contact or maybe it’s like they’re not gonna let him leave unless someone comes and picks him up. So he has to call Maddie. Yeah. Or how is he gonna get home? Because I’m guessing that an ambulance took him to wherever he went. So,
Alice: yeah. And they took, they took his keys too, so,
Ellen: yeah. What I mean is he doesn’t have like any family or any, anyone else to come and get him. He’s, um,
Bex: oh, who knows? We get like, bare minimum background information on these characters.
Ellen: Yeah. Well, in any case, Maddie does show up and she’s horrified, um, at how he looks.
He’s got like, really a really humongous black eye and just his face is a mess.
Bex: Yeah. Blood all over his shirt.
Ellen: Oh, poor guy. And he explains how it was his, it was the date, his date did this.
Bex: Maddie thought that he got mugged after his date, and he has to say to her, no, [01:19:00] it was my date. And he’s, he’s absolutely devastated because he thought that Greg was so sweet and that he really liked Josh.
Um, and he and Josh never saw it coming. Mm. Um, at this point, um, we get a police officer come in and I finally get to name this damn woman.
Ellen: Oh yeah. We see her a lot, but we’ve never had,
Bex: but we’ve never had a name and like the, the captions have had a name, but I’ve never been able to give her a name. But we get a very good shot of her name badge.
So now I can say that she has been officially named, this is Officer Branford.
Ellen: Hey. Hey. We’ve only been seeing her on screen for several, probably several years. Just this season. Yeah. Multiple seasons.
Bex: Yeah. So she was, apparently it was, it’s like her, Athena and Williams are like the, and [01:20:00] Russo are like the only cops who were ever working in la
Ellen: Yeah.
Bex: She responded to the, the call about Josh and she’s come to the hospital slash urgent care wherever they’ve bought him.
Ellen: She’s, they searched the cemetery, but there was no sign of his phone, but they did find his keys and wallet. The cash is gone from his wallet, but they, he’s, he doesn’t have to replace his credit cards and IDs, so that’s good.
Bex: Yeah, that’s one thing at least, um, Bradford tells him that he can go down to the station to pick up his things when he gives his formal statement. And Josh is like, “Do I have to, I really just, I’m too tired. I don’t wanna do it right now.” Bradford’s like, “No, you can, you can do it tomorrow.” And this is where Maddie says, you should come home with me to wherever it is that I live, because it’s a, not at Chimney’s.
Alice: To wherever my house is.
Bex: We find out that, um, whatever Josh is gonna put in his formal [01:21:00] statement, he’s not going to give up, Greg, because Branford asks him like, “before we, just to get the ball rolling, did you recognize either of your assailants?” And Josh is like, “no. Can’t tell you anything about them. Really sorry.”
Ellen: Yeah. And Josh looked at, Maddie looks in like, what are you talking about? You would,
Bex: you know exactly who it was. You know his name.
Ellen: And it like, yeah. But she, she does call him out on that. She’s like, Josh, like, what the hell? And he’s like, “I already feel like a fool.”
Bex: I’m adding another counter
Ellen: that’s four.
Bex: To my counter. Yeah, we’re up to four.
Alice: Yeah. Mad Maddie took, Maddie takes a shot mid conversation. It’s really weird,
Ellen: but yeah, he doesn’t want to everyone else to know what happened, basically. Yeah. He’s embarrassed. So Maddie just sort of says, okay. And I’m like, don’t say that because Maddie has a history of taking things into her own hands and she will go and find out the information.
Bex: So [01:22:00] in the next scene, Maddie’s sitting outside this guy’s house in a hoodie.
Ellen: Exactly. Thankfully, perhaps Maddie has, has learned some restraint in the meantime and she does not actually do that. But Athena and Romero have gone to check out, um, I forgot her name. Joan? Yes. Joan’s house.
Bex: Joan Wallace, yeah.
Ellen: Yes, that’s right.
Bex: Um, and one of the neighbors is eyeing them all very, with a lot of interest because it’s Romero and it looks like, like a crime scene team as well have gone in to check out the house.
Um, they can’t find anything though. There is no sign of the gun. There’s no ammunition in the house. There is no gun shoot residue. There is no blood. The house is immaculate. At which point the neighbor just goes like, “Ha!”
Ellen: She’s like obviously eavesdropping, you know, she’s, she’s, yeah, she’s she hosing her front yard or something. It’s [01:23:00] like, okay.
Bex: Romero thinks this is the funniest thing in the world though. Like he is so happy in this entire scene. ’cause he that nothing a detective loves more than a busy body neighbor. ’cause busy body neighbors know everything and they see everything. Yep. Um, and we don’t get a name for this busy body neighbor, but she is, um, Caroline Julian from Bones.
So I’m just gonna call her Caroline.
Ellen: Alright.
Alice: The actor’s name is Patricia Belcher.
Bex: Yes.
Alice: And you had her name like Patricia Belcher in the notes. And I was like, is she from Bob’s Burgers? Because their surname is Belcher. And so I was literally like, I don’t understand. She’s not a cartoon. Like, does she waste one of them?
And I’m looking and I’m just like, oh, that’s just her actual name. Nevermind. She’s not related to Bob’s Burgers at all.
Ellen: Um, but no, they do go over to her. Very [01:24:00] pleased to have someone else who obviously knows something and um,
Bex: yes. ’cause not only is
Ellen: Can we speak to you for a moment?
Bex: Yeah. ’cause not only is Caroline like busy body, she is officially the president of the neighborhood watch.
And she takes that responsibility very seriously. Romero looks like all his Christmases have come at once.
Alice: Oh yeah.
Ellen: Yeah. And then, and then she, she says that she waves occasionally to the Wallaces. She’s liked, you always liked Joan, but she was never too sure about Henry. But then he retired and he was around a lot more, I’m guessing. And she definitely doesn’t like him.
Bex: Oh, I love this. She’s like, “I was never sure about Henry, but then he retired and I was finally able to make up my mind. I don’t like him.”
But Caroline is very confused. She doesn’t understand what, um, all of the, the relationship between Joan and Henry has to do with the [01:25:00] break-in and that this is news to Athena and Ramiro. They’re like, “Someone broke into their home?” And Caroline’s like, “Well, I assume that’s why you’re all here. Although you were a little late. That happened like three months ago.”
Ellen: Yeah. And all the light bulbs are going off.
Bex: Yeah. Wait, Romero is like, “Did the Wallaces tell you they had a break in?” And Caroline’s like, “No. Their contractor did.” So then we cut to inside the Wallace’s home where Romero and Athena have let, um, Caroline in, and she’s like giving them the grand tour of all of the renovations that, um, the Wallaces have done to their house.
Ellen: It’s a very nice looking house.
Bex: It’s beautiful. Um, so apparently they replaced a window. They took away a rug, a bunch of Christmas decorations, painted and redid the floors. Uh, or as um, Athena summarizes it, they [01:26:00] redecorated the crime scene and that’s why they can’t find any evidence. And Joan and Henry were out of town while all of this was happening.
Hmm And a
Alice: yeah, for weeks.
Bex: And Athena very foolishly asks like, “do you happen to know when all this happened?” Caroline pulls out her phone and pulls up her notes app. She’s like, “yes, it happened on January 11th.” And it literally says on her, in her notes app, January 11th, Joan’s window broken contractor a called in to replace window and furniture.
George Smith contractor phone in notes. It actually says Phoebe in notes, but I’m assuming it’s meant to be phone in notes. And she’s like, “yes, it happened on January 11th. Would you like the contractor’s information?” And Romero says, “yes. And then I would like to hug you.” ’cause you’ve just done.
Ellen: That’s made me so happy
Alice: all my job for me.
Bex: Yes. [01:27:00] Would you like to be deputized as an LAPD detective because this is amazing.
Ellen: She’s, she’s almost on the level of that guy in like Antman, who goes, “well then I went to do this, and then that guy said this and that guy,” she knows exactly what’s happening. Yes.
So they go back to the hospital to, to sort of confront, um, Joan and her husband about this. They give her back her planner, and that’s when she says, “oh, I was wondering where that got to.”
It’s like, oh, dear.
Bex: Poor woman.
Ellen: Uh, Athena sort of says, asked them like, “We noticed there didn’t seem to be any entries about your trip or the living room remodeling.”
And Joan’s sort of confused. She’s like, “did we remodel the living room?” And she kind of remembers. She’s like, “oh no, we did. I just don’t remember why, why did we redo the living room?” Uh, and then she starts remembering what actually [01:28:00] happened.
Bex: Yeah.
Ellen: So the, the Christmas tree is there. She was on a ladder or something, then she was under, like lying on the floor.
Bex: She’s getting just enough flashes that she recognizes that something happened and she just looks at her husband and says, “what did you do?” Yeah. And then we get the full flashback, the full story. She remembers everything now. So it’s January 11th and all of the Christmas decorations are still up, despite Joan telling us that normally those come down right after New Year’s.
And in fact, as we watch, Joan is pulling down the Christmas decorations and she seems a little cranky because she has asked her husband to help her pull down the decorations. Specifically the, the ones, she’s got reeds like right up above all of the, the large windows, and he is sitting on the couch [01:29:00] drinking some kind of liquor, watching tv, giving her the like in a minute, dear, every time she asks him. And I don’t, I I really don’t like this guy.
Ellen: No, I mean, they’re having that thing where, and this, this is why like, they have this late age divorce thing because when they are both out of the house working all the time, they don’t actually spend any time together.
And then now they have retired and they do spend time together. They don’t actually get on all that well.
Bex: Yeah, Joan, like Joan says, like, I miss when you used to work for a living.
Ellen: Yeah. And then he gets cross with her because he has to work all this time to support her, whatever weird hobbies she’s got because she doesn’t work.
And, and oh, it’s like you’re exhausting.
Bex: And she, she shoots back like she has, she does work. Her job is the house and her job is him, and he’s making her job very hard right now. Um mm-hmm. But yeah, he goes on a rampage, um, [01:30:00] making fun of all of the, the little hobbies that she does to fill her day. Like she went to ceramics class and he picks up this garish gnome that I’m guessing that Joan has made and smashes it.
But she’s horrified ’cause that’s like, she made that and he’s like, I could buy that for 20 bucks. Do you know how much it cost me to send you to the ceramics class to make something that I could have bought for 20 bucks? She apparently learned last. Yeah, she learned glass blowing. So he picks up the vase that she blew and he smashes that.
Alice: She sounds like such a nice, interesting person.
Ellen: Oh, she does. Yeah. She’s got a lot of interesting hobbies.
Bex: Yeah, it’s, it’s very interesting that, yeah, this couple doesn’t have any kids, thank God. Um, so she’s, you know, she’s filling her day with like these little hobbies. She does yoga, she does Pilates, she does glass blowing.
But [01:31:00] he just throws an absolute tantrum. Like he’s like two seconds away from stamping his foot on the ground. Yeah. And says, “This is my time, my retirement, and I am not gonna let you rule my golden years the way you’ve ruled the rest of my damn life.” And like he literally like kicks over the, a table, like a petulant little 5-year-old.
Yeah. Um, which just so happens to have Joan’s handbag on it. And so that falls to the ground and spills all the contents on the floor. Joan just takes all this in stride and she just looks at her husband and goes, “you know what? Fine, I will put away the Christmas decorations by myself. I know you’re upset about something, but I’m your wife and you are stuck with me,” and that I think [01:32:00] is the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
For Henry, the idea that he is going to be…
Ellen: He kind of snaps for a moment,
Bex: stuck with her. Um, so he was in the process of like cleaning up the mess that he’d made. Um, but after she says that he notices that when her bag knocked over it oh, so conveniently spilled her gun onto the ground, and so he picks it up.
Joan has climbed up a stepladder to start grabbing the wreaths off the walls like he was supposed to, and so he shoots her in the back of the head.
Alice: Yeah, totally normal response there.
Ellen: Yeah.
Bex: And I mean, I went down a little, I started going down the rabbit hole of, you know, could she have a gun like that loaded just in her handbag And then decided, you know what? Fuck it. I’m not even gonna [01:33:00] bother. ’cause I’m pretty sure the answer is gonna be no. And it’s gonna hurt my brain to try and figure it out. So.
Ellen: Yeah. And also you’ll end up on some list.
Bex: Possibly, possibly. For the drama, Joan had a concealed handgun that was fully loaded in her handbag, just sitting in her house.
So she was carrying around to her ceramics class, um, and her husband uses it to shoot her
Alice: and her glass blowing class.
Ellen: Yeah. And he does say he’s sorry, “I don’t know what came over me. I regretted it immediately.” And Athena’s like, “well, you are within your rights to make that case to a judge.” And then he just gets arrested then.
Bex: Yeah, he, he calls it temporary insanity in and then’s like, sure you can make that defense. Joan is horrified. She’s like, “you shot me. You shot me.”
Alice: And lied to her. Yes. And then all this time he knew what was wrong with her and kept telling her it was all in her head. [01:34:00]
Bex: Like, well, it kind of was because he put it there.
Ellen: Which is technically not a lie.
Bex: Yeah. So not only did he shoot her, but then he gas lit her for three months.
Ellen: He played her for a fool.
Bex: Oh, did he?
Ellen: That’s number five.
Bex: Yeah.
Ellen: So it’s morning time now. Um, I don’t know. I’ve lost track of how many days there are in this episode. Quite a lot. ’cause I think later on Josh comes back to work. So we must be like, you know, progressing through time quite quickly here.
Um, but Chris is getting ready to go back to school.
Bex: Well, Eddie is getting Chris ready to go back to school. Chris does not.
Ellen: Yeah. Chris doesn’t want to go. He, he’s still in his PJ’s.
Bex: Yeah.
Ellen: He, he tells Eddie that he’s feeling sick and Chris is like, you sure about that? I mean, Eddie feels the back of his forehead and he’s like, with the back of his hand and he is like, are you sure?
And then he admits that he doesn’t want to go to school.
Bex: Yeah. ’cause I can [01:35:00] imagine that he’s learned that if he says that he’s sick, that just initiates this whole protocol of, you know, like doctors and tests and all sorts of shit. And he’s like, you know, he’s weighing it up and his head like, do I lie and say that I’m sick so that I don’t have to go to school?
Or do I just admit that I just don’t wanna go to school to get out of having to do all the medical stuff. Yeah. So he chooses the latter and he is just like, yeah, I don’t act, I just, I don’t wanna go to school. I, because he’s, and as Eddie very correctly guesses, he’s still a little bit upset about the other day.
Ellen: Yeah. He like picks Chris up and carries him to the couch. Um, and I’m like, dude, stop picking Chris up all the time.
Bex: Stop picking your kid up.
Ellen: It’s like he can, he can get to the couch on his own.
Bex: Yeah. Like it’s, it’s adorable. I love that Eddie is literally a hands-on father, but Yeah, just let your kid walk.
He can walk. Yeah. It might be a little bit slower, but he, he will be able to get there, I promise you. [01:36:00]
Ellen: And there it does get to a stage where, um, as children grow that you’re just really hurting your back by just picking up.
Bex: Yeah. The next episode is Eddie just having to call 9-1-1. ’cause he tried to pick Chris up and he threw his back out.
Ellen: Yes. I mean, he’s, he’s not, he doesn’t look like he’s particularly weighs heaps anyway. He’s a bit of a stick.
Bex: He’s a bit scrawny.
Ellen: Yeah. Yeah. But still.
Anyway, they do have a chat then about, um. You know Chris’ limits because he does have cp, so he can’t, nobody can do everything that he says to him. There are things in life that you’re not gonna be able to do
Alice: and there’s other stuff that you are gonna be able to do, but it’s gonna be a lot harder than it is for other kids because you have CP and Chris apologizes and said he won’t skateboard again.
But Eddie’s like, it’s not about the skateboarding. I just don’t want you to be scared. You tried something and it didn’t work out, but maybe next time it [01:37:00] does.
Bex: Chris seems like hyper fixated on the, the skateboarding aspect of this. He is like, but, but you can skateboard. Eddie’s like, yeah, but you know what I can’t do.
And Chris is so quick to come back with “Cook?” Cook. And he’s like, “uh, that’s not very nice.” I mean, it’s true, but it’s not very nice. But the whole point is he is like yes, I can skateboard, but there are other things that I can’t do. He meant gardening. That’s where he was going because he says like, I can’t garden.
But apparently you were really good at keeping at like propagating seeds for science class. So you can do something that I can’t do. Um, and you’re better at that than I am.
Alice: Um, Eddie doesn’t want Chris to ever stop trying, but until he gets a little older, maybe they try new things together. And you’re not like any other kid.
You’re my kid. I love you more than anything [01:38:00] in this world. They’re so sweet.
Ellen: Aw, so cute.
Bex: They are so cute together. And they write the writers, they’re always so cute the way they write them together.
Ellen: Yeah. Oh, so he does convince Chris to go to school.
Bex: I guess so. But then he’s wearing different clothes when he goes. To, so the next scene is, um, Eddie going to, um, Ms. Flores’s English classroom, but he’s wearing different clothes.
So I don’t know where we are timeline wise at this point. Uh, but he’s going to apologize for biting her head off the other day. I mean, I, I know why they’re making it all her problem, but it’s like, it wasn’t just her problem because there’s so many other teachers in the school, and it’s like the principal’s issue as well.
But I understand why they’re making it.
Ellen: Well, he, he did kind of shout at her.
Bex: Yeah. So, yeah, I know. It’s, it’s for the storyline. It’s for the drama. [01:39:00]
Ellen: Yeah.
Bex: So now he has to go and apologize to her because he wants the heart eyes back.
And the heart eyes are back by the end of the scene.
Ellen: Oh, yeah. Yeah. She says, I, I like this line. She’s like, “yes, there’s a lot to be said for getting back on the horse, but there’s also some value in learning that you don’t like horses.” Like when she started saying this, I was like, is she trying, is she like, building up to an analogy about the dating thing that we had earlier in the episode, like convincing Eddie to get back on the horse, so to speak.
But then she’s like, there’s also value in learning you don’t like horses. I’m like, well, that’s, maybe that’s where we would like for this to go. Like for Eddie to realize that he doesn’t like women, but then at this stage, no, that’s not where we’re going. It’s not
Bex: that he doesn’t like women, he just doesn’t know what to do with women.
Ellen: But yeah. Anyway, Ana is saying that sometimes, uh, our limitations can show us, [01:40:00] like, tell us when to stop, but also where like, what, what to do next. So it’s cute. It’s a cute exchange.
Bex: It’s cute. They, they forgive each other. Their heart eyes are like slowly coming back.
Ellen: Yeah. Uh, Josh is back at work.
Bex: He is,
Ellen: I mean, he, he still has a bruised face, so it can’t be too many days after the actual attack.
Yeah. But no. Yeah. Later he’s, he gets a banner, a “welcome back Josh” banner.
Bex: He does, does, I don’t think he got cake, but he at least got a banner and everyone seems very happy to see him. He gets lots of like, welcome back and it’s good to see you. And, um, and nobody, everybody seems genuinely happy to see him and nobody looks especially pitying.
Um, which clues Josh into the fact that Maddie kept her promise and she didn’t tell everyone that he got jumped by his date, but not in a good way. [01:41:00]
Ellen: Yeah, yeah. Um, but Maddie’s saying it’s not too late to go to the police and like tell them what really happened and Josh says that his profile’s gone now.
So it was, the whole thing was a scam, which, and yeah. Maddie’s just worried that it, it means that he’s probably done it to other people.
But I think he doesn’t want to write it all down. He’s too humiliated by it.
Bex: Yeah. The, for the bruise, he, Josh says like, the physical bruises are healing, but the humiliation is a little hard to get over. And then to have other people sort of witness his humiliation, he, he can’t do that. Um. Mm-hmm. So he’s going to deal with it in his own way, which may just involve copious amounts of ice cream on a couch.
But if that’s what Josh needs, that’s what Josh needs.
Ellen: Yeah. And at the moment he’s gonna deal with it by helping people on the 9-1-1 line.
Bex: Yeah. He just goes back [01:42:00] to work. And I’m pretty sure there’s music playing at this point, but I have not. I noted what it is ’cause we get a little bit of a montage and where we wrap up all of the storylines from, um, today’s episode, I’m gonna very quickly see if I can find what the song is to see if it’s one of those on the nose needle drops.
Ellen: It didn’t appear to be too, there’s no, there’s no one doing any voiceover. Um, there is no voiceover up in this one. It’s just a bunch of different little scenes. So first we get Tess and Gary who are still together and Gary opens a present and it is a toilet plunger and they have a big smooch after that.
It’s like, you guys have serious issues, but I’m so happy for you. You found each other. At least they
Alice: found each other. That’s it. Yeah.
Bex: Uh, so the song is “Blue Skies” by Noah and the Whale. [01:43:00] That doesn’t appear anything particularly foolish. I will say that it, that Tessa’s predicament doesn’t, it’s not really a, a good selling point for a vegan lifestyle.
Ellen: No.
Bex: Like, eat vegan, you destroy toilets and end up humiliating yourself.
Alice: Oh dear.
Ellen: It’s such a strange storyline.
Bex: Oh, okay. The, I think the song was specifically chosen for this point, um, because apparently “this is a song for anyone with a broken heart or for anyone who can’t get out of bed. Um, anyone who’ll do anything to be happy.
’cause blue skies are coming. But I know that it’s hard, it’s time to leave those feelings behind because blue skies are coming. But I know that it’s hard.”
Ellen: That does seem to fit with the theme of the episode in general.
Bex: Yeah. Uh, right. So we [01:44:00] had Tess and Gary, then we have Joan coming home to an empty house.
Ellen: Yeah. She sees a photo of her and Henry looking happy together, and she just slams it face down like she can’t look at it. But then there’s a knock on the door. And, um, Caroline, the noisy, noisy, the nosy neighbor, she’s not, well, she might be noisy, who knows. Um, she’s got, she’s got a cas, like she’s got dinner for her, she’s got a casserole dish.
She lets her in and she
Bex: says something about, so she’s got, she can always use carbs, so, yeah.
Ellen: Yeah. At least she’s got a supportive neighborhood around her to, um, get through it.
Bex: Yeah. She might not have a husband, but she has a friend. Yeah. So then the final, the final scene for the episode is Eddie and Christopher in a park.
And it looks like it’s a, um, a popular skate park as well because we [01:45:00] do see someone roll past Eddie and Chris
Alice: skating through
Bex: on a skateboard and Chris is like, “Dad, I don’t wanna be here.” Eddie’s like, “No, no, no. Trust us. It’s gonna be fun.” Um, and then we cut to, we, the camera cuts to see Carla and Buck a little bit further up the path with this like giant blue tarp between them and they rip the tar off whatever it is, concealing and just yell “Surprise!”
Ellen: That’s so cute.
Bex: And what it is, is that they have bought Chris a mobility skateboard, which is a skateboard that’s been designed by a Brazilian duo. One of them is a physiotherapist and it’s designed specifically for kids with CP and other mobility issues to enable them to skateboard.
Ellen: Oh, that so cool.
Bex: It’s cool if you, if you haven’t seen the, the episode, um, I’m not sure [01:46:00] why you’re listening to us, but it’s, it’s, the skateboard is bungee corded to like a giant rolling frame. And then Chris is suspended from inside the frame on a harness. So he’s standing on the skateboard, but he’s also got the frame that he can hold onto that’s holding him upright.
And Eddie and Buck push him around the park on the skateboard.
Ellen: Yeah. It’s like, you kind of wanna hope that he doesn’t get on too much of a hill and whoever’s with him can’t run fast enough to keep up with him because it doesn’t look like it’ll stop real easily. Um, but they’re not going super fast and they are like, both Buck and Eddie are hanging onto it.
So,
Bex: and Carla, I love that Carla’s running alongside with a phone out so she can film like Chris’s first skateboarding incident. Yeah.
Ellen: What a cute family video.
Bex: Yeah. There’s just two dads with their son skateboarding in park.
Alice: Yeah. You [01:47:00] know, as you do
Bex: plus, but once again, we have a family, like a family outing with Buck.
Ellen: Yep. Yeah. Well I I’m assuming that Buck put, you know, sourced the special skateboard
Bex: Oh, 100% know that that Buck was searching the internet for yeah. And use the money, which may, may not have got from the, um, the county through the, the lawsuit to buy it. ’cause I’m pretty sure that thing’s not gonna be cheap.
Ellen: Yeah. So they’re having a lovely time.
What a happy ending to this. Um. Strange episode. Actually i, I in between the sort of weird and wonderful, um, cases that were in this one I quite enjoyed the gradual development of Joan’s storyline as well. Like there was that mystery thread that went all the way through and it was well tied into the other stuff I thought.
But yeah, some of the actual emergencies were just like, what the hell? Yeah. [01:48:00] Still made me laugh.
Bex: It’s a good episode.
Alice: It is a good episode. I forgot how much Buck and Eddie stuff is in this episode. And then while I was watching, I’m just like, oh, this is in this, this is in this episode. Oh my God. And this is in this episode,
Bex: like I said, it’s, it’s an Andrew Meyer episode.
I feel like he’s like the Bobo of 9-1-1.
Ellen: Yes. Alright, so what have we got to look forward to next week?
Bex: Uh, next week we’re getting pinned.
Ellen: Pinned,
Bex: yes. The press release says that the 118 responds to accidents at a bowling alley, like bowling pins and a home renovation, um, as Athena pursues a car thief.
I don’t remember the car thief one, but that’s okay. Um, oh no. Bobby and Michael take Harry camping. Um, and chimney and Maddie rush into action when their romantic dinner date takes a wild turn. Literally, [01:49:00]
Ellen: oh gosh.
Alice: Another episode that I have no memory of the problem would say, like, I watched season three so quickly, like, I watched it all back to back.
So I’m like, I don’t remember this episode. And then when I watch it, I’m like, oh, it’s this episode.
Bex: I remember the bowling alley. I remember the home renovation. I remember the camping and the date.
Alice: The only,
Bex: I don’t remember
Alice: the car thief,
the only home renovation, um, emergency I remember is far later. Like season six.
Bex: Yeah, I know which one you’re thinking about. No, it’s not that one. It’s,
Alice: I figured it’s not that one. But,
Bex: um, I always suppose we need the traumas now. Are we gonna get traumatized? We’re gonna get gore. I can tell you right off the bat, that Raul would be thrilled with this episode because there is going to be a heap of gore.
Um, we have an accidental nail gun injury.
Ellen: Oh Lord.
Bex: And I said home renovation gone wrong. Yeah. [01:50:00] Um, we have continuing discussions of cancer. We have discussions about possible parental death. Um, and there is the threat of gun violence. Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know what that one is too. Still don’t know what the car thief one is though.
Ellen: We’ll find out.
Bex: Yeah, I know. But it frustrates me when I can’t remember.
Ellen: Oh, any, anything else you guys want, you know, hang on. You know why I
Bex: can’t remember it? That, because it didn’t fucking happen.
Alice: Excellent. Another one of those.
Bex: I just jumped over to the wiki to like, ’cause it’s driving me bonkers that I can’t remember the car thief. And the trivia for the episode of Pinned is, um, the Car Thief incident did not occur in this episode. This scene was later revealed to have been deleted.
Ellen: Okay.
Bex: [01:51:00] Okay. That makes me feel better. I’m not losing my mind.
Alice: I’m like, is it, what’s his face from, like, who ends up on Lone Star again? Like, but no, he’s, it’s just not in it. Yeah.
Bex: Every time they said Karthik, I’m thinking, but we’ve already had that one. Like, that was Mateo, right? Or Mateo’s cousin. Oh yeah. Mateo’s cousin.
Alice: Mateo’s cousin. Yeah.
Bex: No, it just, it doesn’t exist.
Alice: Excellent.
Bex: So whoever, whoever did the press releases for season three is just like completely on the ball. They’re doing such a good job.
Ellen: Well they sure like, um, you know, changed this season around like we’ve had several occurrences where they moved stuff
Bex: What the hell was going on in post-production.
Yeah. Add it to the list of things that I want to ask Tim Minear if I ever get a chance to like, tie him to a chair and just force him to answer my questions.
Alice: Yeah. Right.
Ellen: Alright. [01:52:00] Uh, anything else before we wrap up, shall we?
Bex: No, but if you have any questions for us, you don’t need to tie us to chairs, um, to get us to answer them,
Ellen: please don’t
Bex: send them to us.
Ellen: Sounds painful.
Bex: Yes. I mean, depending on what you’re into and you know, if we have a discussion about, you know, limits and safe words and all of that sort of thing first, um, but for the most part,
Alice: safe, sane and consensual guys.
Bex: Yeah. But
Ellen: absolutely
Bex: for the most part, you ask and we will answer.
Ellen: Yeah, you can do that by living a comment on any of our posts on our website, which is thatweewooshow.com. And also the other ways you can get in touch with us are there too, and you can leave a comment directly in Spotify. I don’t know if I, I haven’t checked again to see if Apple Podcasts are doing comments yet, but maybe they are.
If you listen through Apple Podcast, let us know.
Bex: Leave a comment if possible and
Ellen: leave a comment if you can, and I’ll hopefully get it somehow. Anyway, thank you [01:53:00] so much for listening this week, and we will talk to you next time about episode 13, which is called “Pinned”. See you then.
Bex: Bye
Alice: Bye.
Ellen: 9-1-1 is a fictional show, but many of the situations portrayed happen in the real world too. If any of the topics we’ve discussed in this episode have affected you, please know you are not alone. You can call or text numbers in your country for help. Just Google crisis support in your location to find out the number.
If you enjoy our podcast, you can help us out by leaving us a review on Spotify or your preferred listening app, and by sharing our social media posts. Find out more at thatweewooshow.com.
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